I feel nowadays my heart and mind is not good as before, I feel now I am not grateful to You as before and also I feel now You left me and You are not with me for some reasons. But I don’t want to leave You Baba. I feel You are only my first best friend, then second friend is my conscience. But sometimes, especially when I do any mistake, my second friend will talk to me and guide me but mostly will blame me for my mistakes (I use to talk to myself). But my first friend, YOU, never talked to me since so far, but I have felt You protecting me from many bad incidents, saving me wherever I go. I am sure and know well, I can never forget You in my life, I feel this relationship between You and me came from long ,long ago or may be many hundred years ago.
You pulled me in 2012 towards You, after that many incidents happened in my life, I had You in my each and every step. I am here, working in better position, everything because of You only. But You only Said that You are the reason for everything people do, so I am asking You, please don’t let me forget You and don’t let me be ever ungrateful to You, don’t let me to reduce my devotion on You. If it happens, please remember, I am not responsible for this, because I surrender under Your feet. Day by day, I feel more changes on me, I feel my devotion has been reduced than before, nowadays I don’t have time to visit You, no vrat, even I am not praying You in my room, because You know that I am not in the right place to pray You, but also I am not interested to do as before. But I have reasons for this, I am not like before, have changed, many bad incidents came across my life, I believed You sure for one thing, but it did not happen, and Your question and answer site , never Said me anything correctly, only 2 times You answered me exactly , and that also happened.
Usually human mind will believe God (You) when it happened what they asked You or what they prayed You, if it’s not happened, then their belief will reduce and devotion also. Now in my case also the same thing. So many changes in my life from 2015 September to till now (80% bad and 20% good changes), but I feel I lost You. I can’t believe You as before, and feeling alone now, next stage of my life is marriage, but no hopes still now. I know and felt You near me until MAY 2016, but later my mind fully occupied at bad incidents, always thinking some other things and more imaginations occupied me, I know it but can’t control it and more greed also, I know God will give us when we are without expectation at anything, but I can’t stop expectation and imagination, like a SSLC student waiting for board exam results when she aim for All India first rank.
I know in our life, if we want to achieve something, first hard work, devotion, good heart, good deeds, blessings of others, prayers of others, these all we need it , but mainly we need LUCK to have something. Actually I don’t believe LUCK, but incidents made me to believe it. Without Luck, we can’t get anything. I know, each and every human is like a page in a book, everybody different than others. But even though, I don’t believe it, my heart needs it, I feel it’s greedy and more imaginative also. For example, I bought one lottery ticket, for Rs.18k , but nothing work out just money wasted but once I bought I started full imagination that I won it, after winning what are the things to do, business, etc.,, but all my imaginations are just like a dream, can never be true. And I planned to move other countries, I tried China, actually one of my friend promised me to get me to China , but everything changed and became just like a fiction, can’t be true, then I was fed up a lot. I feel we were imagining a lot like after went China, what are the things to do, how and when etc., so that’s why it did not happen.
Few years (2yrs) before I was very pure and never expected anything for anything, even when I got first rank at SSLC, I wanted but I never expected it actually, but I got it unexpectedly but that time I never know about Sai Ram, even I don’t know His name, because usually in South India, more people don’t know about Sai Baba. But after I heard the news I got first rank in my school among 3000 students, and third in my district among 50000 students, I just go shocked and couldn’t believe my ears, but I was innocent and asked my teacher that, why she did not get first rank? (the girl that all were expecting her to get first rank)Why I got it? Why they gave me? Still now my teacher remembers these innocent words from me, even I myself feel, how innocent I was that time, but now I can’t feel this innocence , I know I grew up, became older, crossed teenage section, now waiting to start next half of my life (Marriage). But I really don’t want to occupy me with imaginations and greediness about anything like personal, official, luck things, either good or bad, please don’t let me to expect and don’t let me to imagine anything. I feel it’s bad and belief if I expect anything, it will not happen true but my heart and mind not listening my words, it’s starts the imagination automatically. Please stop it Baba. Now also I pray You, believe You but it’s just shallow way, I feel I’m not like before, I feel may be some bad negative mind occupied me. Please save me Baba.
You know well that, I have more and more plans and responsibilities for family, also. Please don’t let me down in any way. Just simply, I wanted to talk to You so I wrote this letter. Please destroy my imaginations and greediness. Make me pure like before; give back to me that innocence. I pray You, please give jobs to my brothers and me too. Please, but I feel happy that You have pulled all my family members towards You and now all are praying You, I am happy about it. Om Sai Ram, I am waiting for one thing, You know that well. But it’s Your wish to fulfil it or not, but I can’t stop my mind thinking about it, but I am trying to control my heart and mind from imaginations. I don’t know what should I ask You, Should I ask You to give me ? or should I ask You to do good things for me? So I said it’s Your wish, but I still want this to happen. Let’s see Baba. Please give me strength to recover my devotion back, be with all, fulfil all their dreams, save all. Om Sai Ram
© Shirdi Sai Baba Prayers