Baba I know You are with me and my day starts with You and ends with You. Baba You have always showed me that You are with me and listening to all my conversations with You. Baba You have pulled me to Your Samadhi(temple) and You gave what was best for me even though I was struggling in my life to come up. I don’t know why for the past two years Sai is being very silent in my life. I’m going through tough time in my life. Your silence is killing me day and night. I just can’t take Your silence. I feel very lost and get no direction without You. Baba You gave a love and hope to that love for two years and all of sudden You separated him from me, and I just accepted telling myself that Baba You know the best for me as You are my world all though I was going through the pain to overcome it.
We planned to go Shirdi together but Baba did not call us and after that I lost him forever. I was disappointed a lot but yet I was telling myself no matter what, Baba will help me to overcome this and will give answer for my tears. I’m still crying and struggling. There was a time I was upset with You and just never want to do any Pooja for You. But I never forgot You nor wanted to go away from You even for a minute in my life. Please forgive me for this. Finally Baba arranged my first trip to Shirdi in the year 2015 and I prayed to Baba next visit I should come with my soulmate with Sai’s blessings. With this pain in my heart, last year 2016, Baba pulled me to Shirdi again. I came to Sai with a hope that Baba will solve everything and take away my pain from me. I planned my trip to Shirdi with my mom and uncle. As the trip was decided; the flight tickets were booked and hotels, accommodation and all were arranged successfully a month before Shirdi trip. All of sudden Baba called another cousin of mine to Shirdi through me. At first, he wasn’t sure to follow or not. But at last minute with Baba’s grace everything was arranged for him as well.
We were cousins and teased each other like normal friends all the time. We went for arathi and darshan and visited few places nearby Shirdi. He was very helpful to me as I was the only one managing for accommodation and transport for my family members. I felt so different with him which I never felt like that before towards him. The days in Shirdi made both of us attached to each other and we became very close. It was on a Thursday and was about to start the Chavadhi procession and my mom and uncle were stuck in front of Chavadhi and we both were stuck inside Mukh darshan hall until Chavadhi procession was over. We both were not able to meet my mom and uncle at that point of time but we had already decided where to meet after Chavadhi procession. So as we both (cousin and myself) were sitting inside Mukh darshan hall, I started praying to Baba with tears rolling down my eyes, I was just could not stop it. My cousin was beside me and looking at me praying with tears. After a while a guard was standing there called my cousin and said “take her to Shej Arathi(night Arathi), faster run the gate is going to close”. Without asking me anything my cousin held my hands and started running towards darshan entrance gate. I was shocked as he had never held my hands before. As we reached the entrance the security guard stopped him because he was holding mobile phone with him and he told me go for the Arathi and said that he would wait outside for me. He so much wanted me to go for the Shej Arathi. All of sudden I felt I’m not going for the Arathi without him and without realising I told the security lady to please allow my husband to go to Arathi with me. She said ok and asked us to leave the mobile phone in the locker. We went inside for Arathi and again I started crying during the Arathi thinking why did I mention him as my husband and I asked pardon to Baba for the mistake I did. then something struck in my mind that last visit I prayed to Baba to come to Shirdi with my soulmate and I’m sure Baba would have heard that too. I felt one kind and I didn’t want to tell about this to anyone. The next day all of us visited Maharaj Ashram and I have a friend there and as she saw both of us, straightway she said next visit you both must come as husband and wife with Baba’s blessings. We both were unable to say anything and we just stayed stunned. After the Shirdi trip, I felt a bit relief and calmness in myself. As days passed with or without realising we both became very attached towards each other and started sharing all our secrets to each other. One day he admitted that he was is in love with me for the past fifteen years secretly and did not dare to tell me or show to me at all due to some other family factors. Something was telling me deep inside me that he was in love with me since those days but I just ignored those feelings thinking that we are just cousins. Now both us realised that we are in love but we just can’t be together because he gave commitment to other girl before me and thought that we both will never get chance to be together before our Shirdi trip. But he also mentioned to me that his feelings about me inside him never changed for the past fifteen years and assured it will never change regardless we are together or not in the future. All this was Baba’s leelas and now I feel like I’m lost again.
Why Baba You are doing this me to again. Baba You taking him away from me. What should I do now? I am unable forget him nor go away from him, at the same time I cannot ask him to be with me. Why all this is happening to me? Why Baba You keep making me disappointed. What is my sin in this? Is this Your curse or blessings to me after my Shirdi trip? You have already taken away one guy I loved the most in my life and I didn’t say anything and accepted Your decision. After that Baba You brought my cousin into my life and made us fall in love with each other again in Your holy place and now again he is also not meant for me. Why did You call him to Shirdi with me? Just to make me cry, is it? Baba only You know how much I’m crying to go through this all alone. My family is looking alliance for me as none of them knows about us and nothing is turning good with other alliance. My parents are just so worried that they are unable to find a proper guy for me. On the other side, I am unable to move on nor overcome the pain. What is Your Leela? Is he my soul mate? Will I marry him or I will end up with a guy my family arranged for? Dear Sai Maa, please forgive me if I did any mistake and pull me again to Your path. Let me be in Your lotus feet till my last breath. Please bestow Your miracle and make me feel happy once in my lifetime. I have read many of devotees’ experience in this blog saying that they got back their love only with Baba’s grace. I hope Baba You will do something to my life too. Om Shree Sai Ram and may You bless all of us and accept us our good and bad. Om Sai Ram Again I want to be Your blessed soul. Om Sai Ram, Om Sai Ram, Om Sai Ram, Om Sai Ram Om Sai Ram, Om Sai Ram.
© Shirdi Sai Baba Prayers